Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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