Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
