I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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