my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
