y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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