Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
