I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
