i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
