if you like me you must not know who I am
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
