I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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