If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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