If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
