I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
