If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
