I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
