That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
