By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
