What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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