I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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