I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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