Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
