She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
