You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
