Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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