my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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