i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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