I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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