I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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