every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
