I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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