help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
