What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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