my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
