I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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