alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
