I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
