dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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