Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
