and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
