Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
