no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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