It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
