every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
