I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
