You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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