Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
