My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
