I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
