What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Houston, we have a squirter
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
