we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
