Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
