i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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