And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
