I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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